Bourbon and Blazer Wearing Douche Bags

After waking up at 9:30 AM for a conference call, going back to sleep until 3 PM, doing nothing productive until 6:30 PM, I went to dinner in lovely San Francisco with a couple of girlfriends a fairly new restaurant called Conduit. Truffled fettuccine, hamachi, ox tail ravioli, braised short ribs with fennel, sea bass and risotto – it was fantastic. I was blown away at every bite.

There was one tall Asian guy that I made eye contact with on multiple occasions – but I couldn’t bring myself to smile at him. I have no guts. But before I could muster up the courage to smile, and saw him laughing, and was instantly turned off because he looked like a frog while smiling. Also, his voice reminds me of Ernie from Sesame Street. Nothing sexy about that.

I really love Asian boys. I’m not attracted to anything else!

After dinner, we made our way over to Bourbon & Branch, a speakeasy in the Tenderloin with – you guessed it – Blazer Wearing Douche Bags. No man has to actually wear a blazer to be a Blazer Wearing Douche Bag. It’s a personality type. You know, the guy wearing a blazer that thinks he’s so handsome and stylish, when every other man in the room looks exactly like him. When you make eye contact with him, you can see him smile to himself because he thinks you’re checking him out, when you’re really thinking that he has no style or originality. He’s the type that probably drank Smirnoff Ice in college and had no idea that, yup, it’s a girl’s drink. He is probably at the gym 6 times a week to overcompensate for his small penis. He has no idea that ripped bodies are cheesy. He idolizes Dane Cook. Only stupid girls whose life long aspirations entail being a receptionist for SuperCuts would actually want to be with a Blazer Wearing Douche Bag. Kanye West wrote “Golddigger” about these chicks.

In other news, big things have been happening in my life lately. I am thrilled.