The return of the drunk text

I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow, I got convinced to go out, with a migraine, and to drive all the way to San Francisco. We went to Temple (The Bus Driver’s decision, NOT MINE!) and it was terrible, terrible, terrible. There were too many short Filipino and Vietnamese guys running around with baggy pants. I totally wasted a cute outfit on last night. I’m going to rebel and wear that outfit again tonight. I also slipped and fell because the floors were wet. How ghetto is that?

Temple is a shi-shi club in SOMA that’s divided into two floors. I like to call the top floor the Guido Room because, well, everyone is either a Guido or a Guido’s girlfriend, and they play house music. The lower level is what I like to call the Boom-Boom room, because they play hip-hop. Of course, that’s where you find the minorities. I spent much of my time in the sweaty Boom-Boom room where I watched The Bus Driver and other friends drop it down to the floor. LOLz. I really like using that phrase.

Anyway, like clockwork, I drunk-texted Shoes. We’ve been trying to get together for the last couple days, but things keep coming up. I should just admit that I like him. I kind of want to kiss him.

Sorry – can’t continue this entry because I think I’m still drunk from last night. Puked twice. Ouch!

Women I find attractive

1.  Ashley Judd – Ultimate timeless features, amazing smile and laugh

2.  Charlize Theron – Looks like a 1950’s movie star

3.  Marissa Tomei – Beautiful eyes and laugh

4.  Kristen Davis – Beautiful eyes and hair

5.  Katie Holmes – Smile is ridiculous

6.  Maria from Harold and Kumar – Perfect face

7.  Ashley Menendez from Brooke Knows Best – Beautiful without makeup

8.  Whitney from the Hills – Love the height and body type

Don’t really know what the point of this entry was but it’s a friday night and I’m home and bored.

Which team to root for

I have a really close knit group of friends here in Chicago.  One of them is my CPA (I trust him with my money and he helps with my finances), another is my roommate whom I’ve lived with for the past 4 years, another is a girl from a small town in Illinois that literally didn’t have traffic lights until recently, and the last one is a Filipino girl who reminds me of my ethnicity since she’s the closest thing I’ve got out here.  This group has been a strong indication of why it’s so hard to leave this city.

However, the downside of having such a close knit group of friends is how much their lives effect yours.  This is also the same with my friends back in California, however, the only difference is that I don’t hang out with them on a weekly basis.  It’s really hard to balance relationships and friendships.  I’ve found myself struggling with these issues consistently throughout my past relationships.  However, it’s hard to know who’s team to root for when your friends make decisions to get back with their exes.  This seems to be the common theme recently.  As you all know, my roommate recently got back with his ex.  It’s tough to see them together because I don’t support it.  I’m really just not impressed by her.  But then again, I have high expectations for my friends.  I hold them up on a pedestal and think that they should/can get their dream girl.  However, reality slaps me in the face.  I can’t put my friends in the position where they have to even think and consider about justifying their relationship decisions.  My roommates gf, although annoying, unattractive, and boring, is well–my roommates girlfriend.  And I came to a realization that I need to grow up and treat him with respect.  Which also means, no more being shady.

When my ex gf and I broke up about 5 months ago, it was one of the hardest breakups for me because a void wasn’t being filled.  I had spent so much time with her that when we weren’t together, it wasn’t even about love anymore, it was about consistency and routine.  I needed someone to be by my side.  That’s where my roommate came in.  He had agreed to come up to my apt that weekend, sleep on my couch, and spend time with me to help me through the break up.  It was an incredible feeling.  I still went to sleep for the next 3 nights with minor insomnia and nightmares, but it helped knowing he was there on my couch.  That’s something friendship creates which causes me to stay so loyal.  Because of these actions, it’s hard for me to go against his personal decisions with how he wants to approach his love life.  I’ve learned to accept that me being shady and awkward around his gf doesn’t really help both our relationship and theirs.

My CPA friend, who is also someone I love and built a strong relationship with recently told me that he was getting back with his ex.  They had broken up 2 years ago because she had a problem with his friends (mainly us and a few others) and was constantly uncompromising when it came to him hanging out with his friends.  He, in return, had also developed chronic jealousy toward her and didn’t like her hanging out with other guys.  Either way, problems occurred and it was going down the drain.  However, after the break up, there hadn’t been much luck.  He barely hooked up with a few girls and sort of/kind of dated 1 girl that ended up in a dead end.  Therefore, after weeks of his ex gf texting him to meet up, he finally caved in.  I remember him telling me about the meet up and I told him specifically to “..not talk with your penis.”  Of course, he didn’t listen to me (no one ever does) and went along to “christen” every room in his new condo.  Perfect.  So of course sex leads to questions, which leads to answers, which then leads to more sex, and finally leading to a mutual understanding that maybe a 3rd shot will work out.  I reminded him that I would support this 3rd shot if they both took a generous effort in repairing their earlier issues.  He continued to just shrug me away and told me he had missed her rack.

So now both of my best guy friends, my old wingmen, are now investing in possible relationships with their exes.  My initial reaction was unsupportive, but who am I to judge?  I think that sometimes we feel that just because the situations don’t occur to us, that we assume that others should think the way we do.  I thought about this and realized that I have never got back with an ex because, well, the opportunity never came up.  And that’s my problem, not theirs.  I think people in general have a soft spot for great experiences that have touched a sense of emotion that they were unfamiliar with.  Unfortunately, with my experiences I’ve never been able to get to the point where I’ve considered getting back with my exes.  I think part of the reason was that I tried so hard to forget and destroy the memories, that I didn’t give a chance to put into place the other factors that occur in why people breakup.

So initially, I was un-supportive with my friends decision, but now am starting to see where they are coming from.  I’m protective of my friends, but I need to understand that everyone has their reasons why they make certain choices.  I made somewhat of an effort yesterday when my roommates gf came over to be nice.  It was hard, but I figured, what the heck, the dude hung out with his pussy ass friend when he got owned in his relationship.  I’m not saying its easy getting used to this.  I think at this age, when your buddies start to move on with their lives and make strong commitments with other people, you’re bound to feel a bit left out.

For me, it’s hard to judge whether or not I see myself giving 2nd shots.  That’s just not the kind of person I am, but who knows.  I’ve always said that if you’re willing to do the “boombox over your head” move to get back with your sig other, then it’s worth all the pain that caused a breakup.  I personally think it’s about timing.  I think everything revolves around timing.  The only difference with me is that I almost always blame it on timing.  It’s never a good time for me.  I thought senior year of college was a perfect time, but it wasn’t.  So I don’t know what else to blame it on anymore.  Maybe just fat asses and dominant jaws.

Consolation Prize

Yo – went on my date with Texas last night. I came over and he cooked dinner for me. He’s such a catch! Anyway, he leaned in to kiss me, and of course I said, “No.” I told him that I wasn’t ready for anything, and that I’m incredibly selfish and intend to keep it that way for a long time. He seemed totally cool with it, and I stayed over for a couple more hours to talk. We have so much in common, but I think that he’d be much more compatible with one of my girlfriends.

Anyway, on the way home, he texted me saying, “If you were looking for a relatonship, would I be a candidate?” I texted back saying, “Probably. But I won’t be looking for a long, long time. Actually, I want to set you up with one of my friends!” ..And he didn’t respond.

First thing this morning, my boss asked me how my date went. I told him everything, and told him about how I wanted to set Texas up with one of my friends. He laughed for a second, and said, “YOU CAN’T OFFER HIM A CONSOLATION PRIZE!” Hm. He does have a point.

Anyway, I think that my love life will be on hold for a while. I’m pretty sure that Shoes is sick of waiting for me, and I only want to hang out with Texas as friends. Life is boring again.

Actually, no it’s not! I’m heading to New York soon. I’m going to make it my goal to kiss a boy in New York. I haven’t kissed someone in a long time. There’s something about kissing a stranger on vacation that’s so exhilarating and liberating to me. I can kiss them without fear of getting hurt, and I’ll never have to see them again so I’ll always have a pleasant memory of them.

But then again, I don’t know if I’m capable of having a fling anymore. My values have changed so much in the last year. I don’t want to do things that I’d be embarrassed of telling my future husband about.

Happy, happy, happy

I know I’ve posted 4-5 times in the last 48 hours, but this is my blog, and I can do whatever I want with it! HA!

Although nothing out of the ordinary happened, I feel the need to say that this weekend was truly one of the best weekends I’ve had in a while. All I did was get drunk, have brunch and sleep in until noon – so ordinary and predictable – but for some reason, I feel so content with how I spent my weekend. I usually feel this happy when I have a new guy in my life, but right now, I don’t! I’m also 5 pounds heavier, which would usually make me kind of pissy, but I’m caring less than I usually do. I’m still breaking out like crazy, but I’ve gotten over that too.

My weekend was fabulously ordinary. I am ready to conquer this work week, and soon, NY!!!!!!!!!

Hey Shmil

I just got home from dinner with The Bus Driver and one of his friends from NY (who I’ll call Shmil). I thought it’d be all cute and cheeky to introduce myself as Darla to Shmil and his friends – except Shmil knew the whole time what my real name was. Owned. Thank goodness that there weren’t any tall Asian guys at dinner, because Shmil kept raving about the hilarity and nonsense that is this blog. Owned again. Apparently, everything I say on this blog is “every guy’s worse nightmare.” LOL. Come on. I’m not that bad! I’m honest, and isn’t honesty the best policy? Also, I do have my boundaries. For example, if I ever end up sleeping with someone, I’ll never write about how they were in bed, or how big their member is. I’ll also never reveal names. I’ll never write about someone I date that’s close to one of my close friends. And when I really fall for someone, I’ll stop contributing to this blog. For now, it’s all fun and games.

So, thanks for blowing my cover, Shmil.

Anyway, I have a date with Texas tomorrow, and I am seriously thinking about flaking out. He wants to cook me dinner, which is sweet, but I’m trying to lose 5 pounds before I head to NY. He should have suggested a pilates/kick-boxing date. I have B-cup boobs right now, and I’m not down with that. I’ve been indulging in pizza, burgers and burritos. It’s time to get fit again. Mama’s gotta fit into her birthday dress.

weekend in k-town

had a pretty awesome weekend as i had a college friend from out of town come to visit.  most of my friends from college are korean (last i checked, i had over 30 people with the last name of kim in my phone) so whenever they roll into town, it’s usually a night out in ktown.  or for this weekend, it was several nights out in ktown.

start on thursday night, after polishing off 4 bottles of soju at the korean bbq, we decide that it’s no longer important to have a chill night before skydiving and decide to hit up another bar for some more soju and beer.  about 6 bottles of soju, 1 pitcher of beer, and 2 fruit platters later, the four of us were definitely wasted.  of course, this place closes at 1am, which gives us absolutely no time sober up.  my friend’s car ran out of batteries, and so i ended up jump starting her car (lucky to have jumper cables) on the middle of wilshire with definitely too much alcohol in my system.  a sobering experience, but then again, neither of us remember the drive home.  owned.

friday night was chill.  a martini, some grey goose tonics, and wine in beverly hills.  it always reminds me of living the dream, and hope that some day i can frequent that more than once every few months.

saturday night we went booking.  le cercle, the super club.  i’ve been here a few times before, so i sorta knew what to expect.  however, some of my friends had not been before so we just decided to roll out.  i was already at double digit shots before midnight, which is never a good thing because you know the next morning you are going to get owned.  definitely just started drinking diet coke and eating ice cubes around 12:30 cause i knew i had to drive home.  the whole experience was a bit wack; i know if i wasnt drunk out of my mind i would have just hated the entire experience.  didn’t really hit on any of the girls because i’m not a huge fan of the crowd– mainly fob korean girls, or girls who think they are too hot.  no dice on either of those groups.

woke up hungover.  just did a run and workout with my ex-army ranger roommate.  so owned.

Time for drunk entry post

This post is going to be really random.  In fact, it’s going to give you an insight on my life in a really honest way (as if i wasn’t already).  I’m kinda wasted right now.  It’s not a good thing.  I have to stop drinking.  On thursday, we had a company summer outing near the lake and it was wild.  I got wasted because my boss had pissed me off so I started downing vodka sprites one after another.  By the time it was 5pm, I was dancing intensely to some some mashup by the dj at the party.  It was pretty money.  Then we went to Billy Goats (cheezborger!) and had more drinks.  Our GM put an open bar on his tab, so i decided to get patron shots one after another another.  After 4 patron shots, i was wearing the cooks hat and dancing with random co-workers.  In fact, I think I was dancing with mixed signals girl for a bit which was super money.  Then we went on a limo, yeah you heard me, a limo, to a dive bar.  How fucking random was that.  We head to a dive bar called Schoolyard and we drink more.  I started to hit on some other girls at work and mixed signals girl was talking to some other guy so I was like fuck it, 2 can play that game you feel me.  Then mixed signals girl got really whack and started yeling at some dude because apparently he was looking thorugh her purse.  She got really agressive.  That turned me off cause you know, it was kinda manly to be honest.  (BTW her face has some slight manly features like a dominant jaw).  So i was over that shit.  I bounced after that cause I was shitfaced and I knew there was no benefit in staying that night

Then tonight i got even more owned.  Well kind of.  I went out to see my buddy do improv, which btw, as a harsh improv critic, i was very impressed.  I loved it.  The other girl I mentioned in my previous entry with the really attractive face but slightly larger ass went too and brought her 2 friends.  They were pretty cute but one was actually kinda hot.  I started to get nervous and was like, fuck, shes kinda hot, I hope we can talk after the show.  BTW, my other co-worker brought his 19 year old gf and she was totally fucking smoking.  By totally fucking smoking, its like when you meet up your friends and you see a girl and you’re like, fuck im going to get on that tonight! and then you find out its your friends gf.  Owned big time.  But we were talking, and she was really flirtatious.  It was kinda hot, but I’m a good guy so I wouldn’t fuck around with that.  But my friend is going to get owned because shes 19, attractive, and totally ready to expose her vag to the world for the next 3 years.  You know what im sayin?  Anyways, so after the show, the really pretty girl with the slightly larger ass says shes going to bounce.  Owned!  Thats what happens when you have a bf you’re bored of having sex with.   You report to him.  What’s worst is that she had to drag her 2 friends (who had some potential) along.  Fuck.  There goes my chances.  I just paid fucking 20 bucks to the north side to attend the festivities and now I’m not even going to get a sophomore chance at these birds.  Oh well.  So we go to some chill bar called the Long Room.  I get a few nice premium beers and I’m stuck with my gay friend (improv guy) talking about relationships.  You know you’re fucked when you’re talking to a gay friend about relationships.  He starts telling me about his ex bf, some philipino dude, and i’m like fuck how did I get myself into this, while my friends gf (hot 19 year old) is prancing around drunk cause I just bought them some patron shots.  She is def. going to cheat on him one day, i’m thinking, and then I decide its about time to go home.

But then my chinese friend (only chinese friend in chicago) decides to meet up with me cause he wants some chinatown.  So we hit that shit up and get some grub and now i’m back at my apartment at 4:23 am wasted and once again, with nothing but an empty wallet and fucking laundry to fold.  Welcome to my shitshow life.

Goodnight

The rules of attraction

I’ve never really been into Asian guys. If I dated an Asian guy before I turned 21, it’s probably because he had a great personality. But now..

..I am obsessed with Asian guys in a fetish kind of way. It’s strange, because I’m Asian myself!

Anyway, a quote for you:

Once you go Asian, you’ll walk right past Black and Caucasian.

Word.

Family effect on relationships

Last night, my dad skyped me online to check up on how I was doing.  I haven’t talked to my dad in weeks.  He’s currently in Singapore and Malaysia working on healthcare technology and investing in small businesses.  I’ve always been amazed at my dad’s ability to keep himself busy with all his ventures.  He never stops trying new things and every time he builds something new, there’s this spark in his personality that inspires me to never stop doing what I love.  The most integral part of my dad’s personality that has really evolved in me is his attention span.  It’s really funny talking to him at times because he has the most spontaneous and short attention span I’ve ever seen.  I think this is probably why he can never just stick with one thing.  Besides listening to my mom, my dad is horrible at paying clear attention to something for longer than 5 minutes.  Our conversations will literally cover 10 subjects in a matter of 30 minutes.  We went from my projects, to my job, to my personal/love life, to my brother, and so on.  This personality trait can be seen both as an advantage and disadvantage to me.

People always point out that I tend to remember the most random facts of previous conversations.  I wouldn’t say I’m a horrible listener; I just have this problem where I tend to only remember what I choose to remember.  When someone talks to me, I will listen, but if I start getting bored, I will literally “cliff note” what the person is saying and ignore the rest.  My mind wanders way too much and it’s hard for me to focus on one thing for a long period of time.  This is why I’m a chronic doodler as well as a horrible student.  This has also gotten me in trouble with girls.  I’d say that my biggest faults when it comes to relationships both involve my horrible memory.  I forget things quickly and sometimes I don’t look like I’m listening cause I get bored easily.

My mom and I talk everyday.  We talk about everything and I have a very close relationship with her.  My mom has never told me how to live my life; she raised me with very simple values that she grew up with.  I definitely have sympathy for her since she has to put up with a lot between my Dad and me because we are notorious bullshitters.    When you get my dad and me in a car with her, I can see her roll her eyes at everything we say.  But she shouldn’t complain.  My dad’s horrible memory has managed to get her to be unemployed most of her life and build a Chanel handbag museum in her closet.  The one thing I’d say that make my mom and I really close is our overarching dedication to our friends.  Till this day, my mom still hangs out with the same group of girlfriends she grew up with since she was in high school.  It’s incredible to see how close they are and they still go on annual vacations together.  This is something that has transferred into my life as well and I continue to try my best to be as selfless as possible with my friends.

It was nice catching up with both of them until they asked me whether or not I had a girlfriend yet.  I quickly replied, “Yet? What is that supposed to mean?”  My parents have never encouraged me to have a love life.  They’ve always commented that I was just having fun whenever I had a girlfriend and never really took my relationships seriously.  In return, I’ve never treated them seriously around them.  My last girlfriend was the first girlfriend I brought to dinner with my parents.  I’m just not that guy that really integrates someone in my family unless I know there’s an inevitable long term effect.  I always notice that once you integrate with their family, it started getting totally weird.  Like I have friends that used to hang out with their sig other’s parents….even without their sig other!  That’s fucking crazy.  My ideal situation is the meet a girl somewhere where both of us are transplants.  Once we decide to get married, or at least possibly engaged, I will then meet the parents.   I obviously told them that nothing was happening in my life but at the same time, I reinforced that I wasn’t looking either.  There was no pressure on their part, but since my Dad loves children, I could sense that he was itching till the day he could play with grandchildren.  Talk about frightening.  I’m not going to lie, I also look forward to that day way down the road when I cant wait to see my parents play with my future children, but I’m also not ready to hear them ask me that question. 

The more I thought about it, the traits that I’ve inherited from my parents have almost halted me in building relationships.  My dads chronic ambition mixed with my mom’s constant need to be around her friends are two of the top reasons why I can’t hold a relationship for very long.  Whenever I had a girlfriend my parent’s lack of interest in them also pushed me further away from real commitment.  They’ve basically prepared me to fail.  I don’t know how they managed to pull through.  I’ve noticed that even though they are both very different people, they’ve managed to find one thing that binds them together strong enough that it outweighs their differences.  Whatever that is, it’s something I’m willing to wait for- and it can’t just be similar interests.

It’s hard to not be the prototype your parents make yourself out to be.  Unfortunately, I’m not ready to change yet.