Fuckkkk

So, I was snooping through my boyfriend’s computer, and guess what I found in his favorites? THIS BLOG!

Owned.

So, my cover’s been blown. But I’m not in trouble. At all!

He was so sweet about it, telling me, “I don’t want to read the earlier entries because I don’t want to have a reason to be mad at you.” (I’ve read him all the earlier entries – they’re probably the worst.) He also said, “I give you a lot of grief, so I understand that you have a blog.” (He doesn’t give me that much grief, I am just a really big drama queen.) He even noted that he understands that me blogging about our relationship “comes with the package” – I mean, wow. This guy loves me!

Anyway, Scott,  I love you!

Way overdue

I’ve been having stomach troubles almost consistently every weekend since the start of february.  So here I am again, pertched on the toilet with my laptop on my lap (as usual).  This time, i’m not looking at porn or reading the huffington post, but instead, writing a way long overdue post for this blog that, to be honest, I have no idea why it still exists.

So where do I start….okay, let’s start from my last post, which I believe was after V-Day when I watched “He’s not that into you,” a movie that kind of sort of changed my life.  Fucked up, i know.  People’s lives are changed by real films like “Citizen Kane,” or “Breakfast at Tiffanys” and i’m here saying that “He’s not that into you” changed my life.  I’m a total fag.  So yeah, the movie fucking changed my life.  How? Well as you can tell, i’m no longer typing up stories and shenanigans with random women in my life anymore.  In fact, my social life has heavily decreased in both action and ownage.  It’s bizarre.  I no longer yearn to palm boobies or make out with fuglies.  I have more important things to think about in life now, and that’s how do I get the fuck out of Chicago!

Everyone has an expiration date.  Mine hit me last year, but then I gave it another year thinking work people will excited me.  Now i’m bored again.  I’m bored with everyone that currently hangs out with me in Chicago.  I love them, but you know when you feel like you’ve hit the “peak” of a friendship with someone?  That it no longer continues to grow anymore?  Yeah, that’s how I feel with them.  Brynn, god bless her, one of my closest girlfriends in the city…I’d be confident to say that she’s a best friend, is going to stay the same forever.  She is trying to lose weight on this low carb plan that you know, works for some people, and doesn’t work for others.  In her case, I’d hate to say that she’s stuck with the latter.  So now we barely go out to eat.  I love carbs and I love sushi.  She can’t eat both.  So f-it.  I’m over it.  We hang out for brunch on Sundays still but all she talks about now is who stuck their P in her V.  I get it, you have one night stands, move on.  Total snorefest.  Than I just tell her everytime, maybe you shouldn’t expose your V to any guy.  Maybe you should I don’t know, like make him work for it?  Nope, still does it.  There’s just not much I can do anymore.
Then there’s Anthony, god bless this guy, he is my personal accountant, and a man that I will trust for the rest of my life.  What happens when you add accountant to the word trust? Bore-fucking-ring.  Lives at home, single but has no balls, and totally safe as fuck.  Although he just went out on a date with this girl thats not bad at all.  She’s a looker.  I gave him some tips, basic rules that I never follow but tell other peopl to, and things are going well.  You can’t go wrong with black shirt and dark jeans on the first date.  Simple and to the point.

Alfredo, we hung out yesterday.  It was nice to catch up.  Watched I love you, man.  Hilarious.  Had a good time.  Then told me he’s been visiting his GF in Milwaukee every 2 weeks, staying in Best Western next to her house (she lives at home) and playing video games.  Cool.

So i’m now at a crossroads.  I’m bored with my friends, and I can care less about going out anymore.  In fact, the only time I actually go out now, is when my pothead friends Pete and Alex drag me to their house after work to smoke weed.  I’m the farthest thing from pothead but I join nonetheless.  We watch South Park and eat pizza and drink beer.  What a life, reminds me of being back in Fremont. Where is this all leading me?  Priority wise, I need a change in environment.

I need to move back to California.  I need sun.  I need to drive.  I need options.  I need to be able to pick up groceries in a vehicle and not roll a homeless man cart down the road.  I need to be financially responsible.  I need to clean my life up.  My place has been a mess as of late.  I leave my laundry on my couches cause I have no roomate.  I shower with my doors open.  I leave shit everywhere and I haven’t been cooking much.  If I could grow a beard, I’d have one now.  Emo?  Let’s just say I’ve been blasting Death Cab whenever I get a chance.

So i’ve been interviewing intensely.  I’ve been chasing and following recruiters, running down to lobbies to get on a phone, scheduling calls after 5:00pm, and doing everything I possibly can to leave in the worst economy since the great depression.  What a challenge!  So as you can see, the least of my worries involve boobs, vag, silky long hair, and a cute ass.  I sound like a total homosexual now, but i’m not.  I swear.  My focus has just drifted into something more important like, my life?  I’m unhappy with it and it’s time I need to turn it around.

Wish me luck!

and there it is

works busy. just lost a deal. ibm buys sun. done. wtv, hpq is effed 

my president is black, my maybach is blue…lala 

… so martin lutha could walk, martin lutha walks so barack obama can run wtv

i need to go home and sleep. average 1.4x burritos per day this week.

What a Weekend.

My fingers are itching/twitching because I have much to tell you all.

My weekend was pretty packed. Here are some highlights:

• I had a drink thrown on me for the first time. Acutally, the drink was thrown at me, The Bus Driver and Shoes at the same time. My poor silk dress. Some drunk idiot walked through our table and caused a big commotion. When he didn’t leave, one of Shoes’ friends pushed him, and he turned around and threw a drink at the three of us. Right when that happened, TBS, Shoes and Shoes’ friend lunged at the guy. We all got kicked out, but it didn’t really matter because we finished our bottle anyway. From start to finish, we were in the club for 10 minutes. The club was wack – too many Asian girls w/too much makeup. Yech!
• I have been drunk every night since Thursday. Someone please save my body!
• The Colbert Report is on…sorry – gotta run.

quiet sunday

woke up at 8. went for a walk around the park with minnie and fatty. remembered nov 2003 volunteering at the homeless shelter. those were the days. i was the shit n i didnt even realize.

ughhhhhh

my head is spinning to some random rap. my jaw feels slightly misaligned. my wallet is dented. my shoes smell. i need socks. need to stop blacking out

fuckkkkk

owned.

shoes usually stays over on thursday nights, and this is when we usually go out. he’s out with his friends without me tonight because i’m stuck at home, trying to meet a deadline. i have a presentation for a client tomorrow – totally procrastinated on this project. so owned. it feels like finals week in college right now.

anyway, i just got even more owned because he just texted me asking, “do you know xxxxx?” xxxxx is a friend of a friend who i met when this blog was still in its glory days (you know, when more than 10 people read it). he and shmil laughed hysterically over how fucked up my blog was. i even explained to him how wack i thought shoes was. lo and behold, i’m now exclusively dating shoes, and am madly in love with him. i quickly called shoes and asked to speak to xxxxx. of course, i quickly said, “don’t say a THING about the blog!” i’ve read shoes entries, but i feel that it might sound so much worse if he heard about these things from someone else.

anyway, right after getting off the phone with xxxxx and shoes, i got an email from my boss saying that our client wanted to move our meeting to TUESDAY. of course, i jumped for joy, and thought to myself, “yay! now i can go out to meet shoes and his friends to do some damage control.”

i called shoes to tell him the good news, and he says, “sorry baby, guys night out tonight.” i mean, we practically live together. there’s no way in hell i’m going to crash his guys night out. right now, i have ants in my pants, wondering if i need to do damage control. i hope not.

sucks. i even had plans to go out with thebusdriver tonight but canceled because of this insane 65 hour work week.

anyway, last weekend, shoes and i had the best date night ever. we went out for sushi and did sake bombs (in the kind of sushi restaurant where no one in their right mind does sushi bombs) and got plastered. i was texting my uncle when i fell in my seat, head first. shoes laughed  – wasn’t even embarassed that i was acting a fool…and i absolutely love him for that.

anyway, enough gushing. peace.