Way overdue

I’ve been having stomach troubles almost consistently every weekend since the start of february.  So here I am again, pertched on the toilet with my laptop on my lap (as usual).  This time, i’m not looking at porn or reading the huffington post, but instead, writing a way long overdue post for this blog that, to be honest, I have no idea why it still exists.

So where do I start….okay, let’s start from my last post, which I believe was after V-Day when I watched “He’s not that into you,” a movie that kind of sort of changed my life.  Fucked up, i know.  People’s lives are changed by real films like “Citizen Kane,” or “Breakfast at Tiffanys” and i’m here saying that “He’s not that into you” changed my life.  I’m a total fag.  So yeah, the movie fucking changed my life.  How? Well as you can tell, i’m no longer typing up stories and shenanigans with random women in my life anymore.  In fact, my social life has heavily decreased in both action and ownage.  It’s bizarre.  I no longer yearn to palm boobies or make out with fuglies.  I have more important things to think about in life now, and that’s how do I get the fuck out of Chicago!

Everyone has an expiration date.  Mine hit me last year, but then I gave it another year thinking work people will excited me.  Now i’m bored again.  I’m bored with everyone that currently hangs out with me in Chicago.  I love them, but you know when you feel like you’ve hit the “peak” of a friendship with someone?  That it no longer continues to grow anymore?  Yeah, that’s how I feel with them.  Brynn, god bless her, one of my closest girlfriends in the city…I’d be confident to say that she’s a best friend, is going to stay the same forever.  She is trying to lose weight on this low carb plan that you know, works for some people, and doesn’t work for others.  In her case, I’d hate to say that she’s stuck with the latter.  So now we barely go out to eat.  I love carbs and I love sushi.  She can’t eat both.  So f-it.  I’m over it.  We hang out for brunch on Sundays still but all she talks about now is who stuck their P in her V.  I get it, you have one night stands, move on.  Total snorefest.  Than I just tell her everytime, maybe you shouldn’t expose your V to any guy.  Maybe you should I don’t know, like make him work for it?  Nope, still does it.  There’s just not much I can do anymore.
Then there’s Anthony, god bless this guy, he is my personal accountant, and a man that I will trust for the rest of my life.  What happens when you add accountant to the word trust? Bore-fucking-ring.  Lives at home, single but has no balls, and totally safe as fuck.  Although he just went out on a date with this girl thats not bad at all.  She’s a looker.  I gave him some tips, basic rules that I never follow but tell other peopl to, and things are going well.  You can’t go wrong with black shirt and dark jeans on the first date.  Simple and to the point.

Alfredo, we hung out yesterday.  It was nice to catch up.  Watched I love you, man.  Hilarious.  Had a good time.  Then told me he’s been visiting his GF in Milwaukee every 2 weeks, staying in Best Western next to her house (she lives at home) and playing video games.  Cool.

So i’m now at a crossroads.  I’m bored with my friends, and I can care less about going out anymore.  In fact, the only time I actually go out now, is when my pothead friends Pete and Alex drag me to their house after work to smoke weed.  I’m the farthest thing from pothead but I join nonetheless.  We watch South Park and eat pizza and drink beer.  What a life, reminds me of being back in Fremont. Where is this all leading me?  Priority wise, I need a change in environment.

I need to move back to California.  I need sun.  I need to drive.  I need options.  I need to be able to pick up groceries in a vehicle and not roll a homeless man cart down the road.  I need to be financially responsible.  I need to clean my life up.  My place has been a mess as of late.  I leave my laundry on my couches cause I have no roomate.  I shower with my doors open.  I leave shit everywhere and I haven’t been cooking much.  If I could grow a beard, I’d have one now.  Emo?  Let’s just say I’ve been blasting Death Cab whenever I get a chance.

So i’ve been interviewing intensely.  I’ve been chasing and following recruiters, running down to lobbies to get on a phone, scheduling calls after 5:00pm, and doing everything I possibly can to leave in the worst economy since the great depression.  What a challenge!  So as you can see, the least of my worries involve boobs, vag, silky long hair, and a cute ass.  I sound like a total homosexual now, but i’m not.  I swear.  My focus has just drifted into something more important like, my life?  I’m unhappy with it and it’s time I need to turn it around.

Wish me luck!