And the Maze Continues…

So, I was B’s plus one to a concert that his company was hosting last night. I don’t know why, but while I was getting ready, I was intensely nervous. I think I figured it out with him. I think he’s kind of lame sometimes, but he’s so good looking, so I want him to like me without me having to like him back. Does that make any sense? I don’t think I could ever seriously be in love with him, but if there’s one way to describe how I feel about him, it’s that I have a HUGE crush without actually, truly liking him.

I don’t know what to make of this, but I was the only non-work related person that he invited to the event. Also, at least 3 of his colleagues insinuated that we should start dating again. One even blatantly said, “Just start dating each other again. It’s obvious. You guys like each other.” Owned. I wonder if this is one of those situations where all of the people in his life think I’m great and great for him, but he isn’t so sure so they’re trying to encourage him OR if this is him being unsure of where I stand with my feelings, so he’s trying to get his friends to feel me out. What do you think? I’m a confused bear.

Oh, and to add extra confusion to the mix, the person that bluntly observed that we *supposedly* like each other is his friend that I’ve been flirting with. WTF. FML. Confused.

Last night was the first night that I actually hung out with him since we broke up. And you know what? He hasn’t changed one bit. He doesn’t drink, and this really bums me out because I drink quite a lot, and want to be with someone that can party with me. I’m 24–I’m too young to not be a raging alcoholic. He’s 27, and he used to get wasted four days out of the week when he was my age. Now, he wants to be healthy and he’s over doing the kind of shit I do every weekend. It sucks. Terrible timing. But God dammit. He is so insanely hot.

In other news, I really need to stop drinking. I’ve had the liquor shits two days in a row. I feel like pure ass right now.