when is it too soon?

unfortunately, ngowned is correct. i will be moving back to the bay area at the end of july. i will be moving to a more chill job so hopefully i can blog with more vigor and frequency. 

chill weeeknd for most part. started on wednesday

hooka in LES with BYOB. pretty bomb time. haven smoked in awhile so it was chill. watermelon n some other flavors. good conversation. 2 bottles of wine and a six pack of beerz. cant beat that. i need to hooka more

thurs went to a shitty korean bar. a bar we frequent way too much. i am going to cease to go to that joint from now on.

fri – got kicked out of club and sat was chill with buddy coming from out of town.

sun – got tasty dinner with my buddies at an all-u-can-eat japanese bbq place. swear i gained like 5lbs afterwarsd. also watched hellboy 2 (not great) with buddy of mine n his girlfriend. first time meeting her so it was neat. she didnt say much since shes basically a fob from korea but whatever. sometimes in life u just gota live with it. it was awkward because she kept on laughing at all these random parts in the movie that no one else was.

now to the title of the post. when is it OK to move on after a relationship? buddy of mine n his gf jus ended a ~2 yr relationship. long story short: she moved on with another dude less than one month after. i personally think thats too short of a gap. the worse thing is that she supposedly wanted some free time. which at first was understandable since in my eyes, the two were on the marriage track. (from socal then norcal then ny then back to norcal) what do yall think? from what my friends have told me, this guy is a douchebag too. double ouch. i feel for my friend.

match.com

I don’t think I’d go on a match.com date anytime within the next 5 years. If I’m 28 and still don’t have any options to date, I might have to resort there. For the time being though, Darla’s post made me recollect an interesting idea that might provide some more laughs for all of you readers.

Here is what I propose for the three guys on this blog, and not to exclude Darla, but she’d win by a landslide. I have not gone through this idea with the others before posting, so I don’t know what to expect in response.  Anyways, here goes…

I came up with this idea during my last year in Boston, while drinking some beers with buddies of mine at Sunset Cantina. The other three guys at the time all had girlfriends, so we never went along with it. However, since the three men on this blog are all single, why not try this out and have some laughs.

Okay, so, what’s the idea? The three of us should each create a match.com account, and create profiles that accurately represent who we are and what we look like. Perhaps we’ll even post them here. What I hear is that instead of a Facebook poke, you can “wink” at people you are interested in. Now, none of us are going to be winking– rather, we’ll have a contest– whomever gets the most “winks” in a specified week wins. Of course, we’ll have to bet something embarrassing to make this funny for the two losers; perhaps streaking across a football field, or better yet, actually having to take one of those girls who winked at you out on a date.

What do ya’ll think? I’m about to start the summer, and know that this will provide some comedy for at least a week, if not more. If thebusdriver and calzone are in, I’m definitely game.

P.S: If match.com is not a viable option, perhaps craigslist might be a shadier, but easier option.

And since we say owned so much… a picture that represents.. owned.

Work + Hot Girls = Hot Mess

Miche*** says:

chocolate altoids?

Cal*** says:

where?

Miche** says:

my desk

I started in Advertising when I was dating my ex gf and it was tough.  Too many hot girls at work.  I was sidetracked everyday and I have multiple crushes.  New girl just started here and is being a total cocktease and I love it.

Just invited me to a happy hour in Lincoln Park tonight which I will probably not go to but then call her later and say something in the lines of “Sorry I couldn’t make it, I totally owe you one, how’s coffee in the AM?”

That may or may not work, I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

When “hanging out” is a date

“date.” Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 18 Jun. 2008. <Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/date>.

7. a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night.

There are about 18 definitions of the word “date,” neither of them which actually define what most of us consider a “date.” According to this definition, taking my family out to dinner would be considered a “date,” as long as I made reservations beforehand and didn’t just decide on a whim to go to McDonald’s. However, we never tell our parents that we’re taking them on a date– we tell them that we’re inviting them out to dinner. Obviously, context is the biggest difference here, and since Webster’s doesn’t provide us with a clear definition, I think there are a few specific factors that women can look for when determining whether or not “hanging out” is really a “date” or just chilling with the boys.

Speaking from personal experience, I don’t think I’ve ever used the word “date” ever when asking a girl out on one. I remember asking out girls in high school to go watch a movie, and grab dinner, but never did using the word date ever come to mind. Didn’t use the word in college. Still don’t use the word today. It still never comes to mind. I think there are a few reasons why guys tend to stray away from this word, and let me go over those points first.

1. using the word “date” poses a bigger risk. girls don’t mind “hanging out,” but some girls will immediately run away and hide from you if you mention the word date. game over before you even dropped in the quarters.

2. leaves no exit strategy. if i mention that we’re going out on a date, that commits me to saying that i’m interested in you, beyond being friends. hey, if we go out to dinner and we’re “hanging out,” and i lose interest in the course of dinner, i can always just bail out by saying we were hanging out as friends. “Oh, I had plans after dinner.” no harm done.

3. we assume that girls know it’ll be a date. i mean, really? dinner friday night at morton’s steakhouse? lets be real– if i was asking, “hey, want to go grab some chicken nuggets and a diet coke?” versus “hey, want to go out to dinner with me at Morton’s on friday?”, i think we’re all able to tell the difference there.

Now you’re asking, wow. How are girls supposed to know? Let me give you some key points to look out for:

1. How is he asking? I love it when girls ask, “Oh, is it just me and you?” Guys always respond, “Uhh, yeah.” If it’s one on one, and both people are single and not life-long friends, it’s a date. Sometimes guys will even just mention this fact, so that you get the hint that it’ll be a date. I’m not going to list all the different qualifiers, but if you aren’t family, you can bet the guy is thinking, how am I going to prepare for this date? Group situations are a bit more difficult. My opinion here is, if you need someone to hold your hand crossing the street, you’re still 8 years old. Grow up.

2. When is this happening? Am I grabbing breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? I’ve never asked a girl I’ve been interested in to hang out for lunch. Dinner is no doubt the stronger play, but also the better play. If you are hanging out at night, especially a weekend night, you can put all your chips on the fact that, in the guy’s mind, this is going to be a date.

3. Where are you going? What are you doing? McDonald’s is not a first date. Morton’s is. I think everyone gets the point here. If you’re going somewhere decently nice, it’s a date. Anything above Applebee’s should be a date. I always like to ask what type of cuisine they’d like to eat, and then make some suggestions, just so the girl knows not to show up in flip flops and shorts. If a guy is taking you to Chili’s and isn’t still in high school, you shouldn’t be going out with him anyways. Movies, with just the two of you, is a date.

Well, there are a few more indications, but these three are key. Trust me, this is in every guy’s playbook, and girls should be on the lookout if they don’t want to be unsure about just “hanging out” or being on a “date.” Remember ladies, if you say yes, you’re going on a date. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The trouble with “hanging out”

Men, please be more clear when asking me (or any other woman) out on a date. When you say you want to “hang out”, I really think we’re just “hanging out”. When you ask if I want to grab dinner, I’ll assume that I can show up in sweatpants and last night’s makeup – and I will probably assume that you think I’m skinny and want to feed me. But nothing about “hanging out” and “grabbing dinner” makes me think that we’ll be going on a date.

I get tricked into dates often. I don’t know if the guy’s intention is to trick me, but it happens. I go on dates without realizing they’re dates until I give my friend recaps of my night, and they ask me,

“So, did you sleep with him?” And I answer, “What the hell! We were just hanging out!” To which they’ll say, “Hanging out IS dating, you stupid ass!” To which I’ll reply, “Owned.”

Nine months ago, when I was finishing up my second to last quarter of college, I met a guy from a friend. I’ll call him Bravo. Bravo and I got off to a rocky start. I found him mildly attractive (but I think I was pretty desperate at the time – I was dumped only 2 weeks earlier, and definitely on the prowl for a rebound), but it was more because he was tall. You should note that I find pretty much any guy attractive if he is over 6 feet tall. I once dated an anorexic guy with a conjoined twin, and he had awful breath. I saw past all of this because he was 6′3. I kid. But seriously, I have low standards.

Anyway, our mutual friend, who I’ll call Randy, IMed me late one night, asking me to play wing-woman for one of his conquests. I delightedly said yes, because there’s nothing I like more than helping a good friend get some ass. Hopefully someone will pay the same favor forward to me.

Randy tells me, “Sweet. You, me, her and Bravo will go out for sushi.”

I love sushi. Definitely not going to say no to that.

To make a long story short, I was still completely unaware of the fact that I was on a date, so I acted like myself. According to my guy friends, everything about me acting like myself is unattractive and unsexy. For starters, we were having sushi, and I don’t eat rice. I insisted on only eating the good parts (the inside of the roll), and by the end, I had a mountain of rice on my place. Talk about spoiled and wasteful. I also burped. And spit. A lot.

After dinner, we went to a club that only hoodrats frequent (someone told us that Nick Cannon would be there). Due to the extra short dress I was sporting that night, I kept asking Bravo if I looked like a chicken-head, to which he exasperatingly replied “NO!” each time. When I wasn’t busy making sure that Randy and his conquest were hooking up with each other (they weren’t), I was drinking massive amounts of alcohol and bragging about how I could get the DJ to play anything I wanted because I have so much game (I don’t have any game, and the DJ took an hour to play my song).

After we left the disco, I talked some sleazy guys into buying me a hotdog (all in front of Bravo, because, you know, I really had no idea that we were on a date!), which I ended up dropping in front of a homeless man. Because I consider myself to be a compassionate person, I started crying hysterically and apologizing profusely to the homeless dude, and hugging him. I didn’t stop crying about that damn hotdog for about half an hour. All four of us ended up at Bravo’s place, where I vomited and passed out on his bed.

Of course, if I had realized that this was a date, I would have behaved differently.

I came home at 4 AM and was immediately interrogated by my best friend.

“WHERE WERE YOU TONIGHT!??!”

“I’m so drunk. I had sushi with Randy, his conquest and Bravo.”

“Did you sleep with Bravo?”

“What the hell! We were just hanging out!”

“Hanging out IS dating, you stupid ass!”

“…..Owned.”

Rules of Dating

While I’m an experienced girlfriend, I am clueless when it comes to casual dating. Below are some questions I have regarding dating and its rules – although I’m sure that none of the answers I’m searching for will be finite. Damn. Please comment and answer accordingly.

1. Should men always pay on the first date? What are some exceptions?
2. Is it too soon to sleep with someone on the second date? And what the hell do you talk about the morning after?
3. How do you even know if you’re being asked out on a date?
4. Is it possible for two attractive people of the opposite sex to hang out platonically?
5. Do you believe in born-again virgins? (I think I do.)
6. Can you start a relationship after sleeping with someone on the first date?
7. Is discussing your marriage plans on the first date a no-no?
8. How soon is too soon to move on after a serious relationship? (My own experience will probably be detailed in a future blog entry.)
9. Dating a blogger/chronic over-sharer – yes? Or no?
10. Disclosing your past as a cheater (if you’re reformed) – yes? Or no?

Thanks!

Also, haha: